Marriages fail because we do not realize that in nature 1+1 always = 1. In other words, 1 man + 1 woman = 1 marriage or one family if children become involved. Because, even if you look at this mathematically, is not the #2 just 1 number of a greater value than the first 2 numbers that were added together. Even if we looked at this on paper, what we must realize is that every sheet of paper has 3 sides- the front, the back, and the middle. Without the middle you just have 1 side or 0 sides or just the foundation or the tree- in other words. And when you do not give recognition to this logic in nature you will tend to fail. Now enough about logic and nature. To examine this more closely, we must look at the first married couple- namely, Adam and Eve. In doing so, we must first, give recognition to the fact that Adam and Eve did not start out as husband and wife. God did not promise Adam a wife; He promised Adam a “helpmeet.” I can only assume to help Adam meet his obligations in his stewardship of the earth. They were too young! Afterall, you would not marry first graders? There was no mention of husband or wife until after they ate the forbidden fruit. They did not even realize that they were naked. It was only after they ate the forbidden fruit that they gave recognition to the fact that one of them was a man and the other was a woman. Therefore, God had to marry them right then, although, they were going to be married eventually. As a side note: do we not still bath siblings of opposite sex who are still of pre-school age together? And they do not give recognition to the fact that they are naked. But the only difference, here, is that Adam and Eve were probably their full adult size. God did not just marry them He assigned them gender roles. He told Eve to labor with the kids and obey Adam; and told Adam to eat all the forbidden fruit (school) to become wise like a god so he could lead his family. He did this to put them in the role they were most suited for. You see, it is said in the bible that when God created Man, HE created both male and female in “our” image. So, what this means is that He knew what the female would look like. God created Adam with His “mind” in the image of Himself to represent Him. But He “made” Eve from Adam with His “heart” in the image of his Mother. The difference is that whenever God creates something with His mind it must always make sense. On the other hand, when God makes something from the heart it does not always have to make sense because even if it does not, He will always make change. (and cents do count and add up fast!) I bring all this up to point out that men and women are wired differently- not better or worse just different. We all have a complex set of needs and desires to fulfill in order to live happy and content. Men and women lead themselves in fulfilling their needs and desires differently. Men lead by being more cerebral or by using their head (mind) to solve problems and are less emotional. Men are more influenced by what they see rather than how something makes them feel. Things always must make sense. Women, on the other hand, operate from the heart and lead with their emotions. They do things not necessarily because it makes sense because they care. Women solve problems with love and by caring when life brings us problems that do not make sense. Women are more influenced by how something makes them feel rather than what they see. So, we can see that men and women lead and solve problems differently, but that each way is of equal importance to the thriving of our society. Men and women were never meant to lead and solve their problems separately. Husbands must teach their wives to be more cerebral and wives should teach their husbands to lead more with their hearts. The problem is that the role of men and women has changed a lot but the way we are wired has not. But husbands you are the stewards, but the women and the children represent our future. Now, considering this, we should choose who we marry very wisely. But what people must realize is that although the minster or the judge performs the ceremony, God is the one who truly marries you. And He marries you to the first person you have sex with and therefore, we must choose that person wisely. Because God is the only one who can, truly, divorce you. Now, understand, until you have been divorced and reconciled by God you cannot marry another without cheating on God because He is always the third component of every marriage and you cannot divorce Him. And to not have been reconciled by God means that you have not accepted God’s free offer of grace. To make sure your marriage does not end up in divorce you should choose someone who balances you out in terms of their ability to help you lead each other better with the head or with the heart. Also, you must make sure that the other three parts of the human personality are balanced as well. Namely, the spirit, the body, and the soul as laid out in my blog article entitled: How is being perfect not perfect? You must make sure that in the stewardship of your marriage and your family that all the needs in each area is constantly being addressed. And we should remember that 1+1=1 in that we should always put the marriage and the family first to make for a stronger society. In other words, the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts. Meaning we are much stronger together than we are apart.
GERALD G. FFRIERSON